A Practical Guide to Identifying the Couple
A common problem for many wedding attendees is determining who is, in fact, getting married. For your convenience and to avoid any embarrassing confusion, here is a concise printable guide for identifying and distinguishing between the bride and groom.
Matthew
"World-renowned," "rockstar," and "Portugal" are just a few of the words not commonly used to describe Matthew Mahowald. Born to a stiff west breeze and the sounds of lions at play, it was clear from an early age that Matthew was destined to choose his own path.
After a brief stint in paleontology at age 6, Matthew transitioned to mathematics when he discovered that "dinosaur" was not an acceptable career path. He currently studies the mathematics of string theory (such as the distinction between knot invariants and not-invariants). He is particularly interested in applications of results from physics to problems in geometry.
Outside of his professional interests, Matthew spends an inordinate amount of time on various computer-related activities. He enjoys working with computer modelling and game design, and has recently taken to incorporating bad jokes into wedding websites.
Distinctive features include a maniacal stare and accompanying grin, and precisely two ears.
With no maniacal grin and generally longer hair, it is easy to distinguish Angel from Matthew, despite both of them having the same number of ears (2).
Angel
Angel is named after the seventh animal on the Chinese Zodiac (the platypus). Her powers include the gift of foresight and mad dance skills. Unfortunately, these abilities cannot be used simultaneously.
Angel briefly achieved national fame in 2008 when she turned down a high-profile cabinet position with the Obama administration in favor of supervising the construction of a magnetic monorail transit system. Although the monorail remains in the planning stage, it is widely acknowledged that there may or may not be a monorail in the United States at sometime in the future.
Her interests include long walks on the beach, hanging out with friends, and yodeling. Professionally, Angel interns with the Youth and Family Services division of the Evanston Police Department, and focuses on serving families in the community while she finishes up her masters in social work.
How We Met
Angel and Matthew met in college at the University of Illinois through their shared lack of interest in sports and university events. An initial period of awkward disinterest in each other led to a subsequent period of awkward interest in each other, eventually culminating in the relationship we know today. The proposal was a quiet, intimate gesture made at a fountain on campus where the couple had previously had several meaningful conversations and significant moments.